A Beary Scary Movie

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A Beary Scary Movie
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A Bear Scary Movie
Comedy, Horror, Music
Century Media Records, KOTK Productions
November 6th, 2012
Release length: 1:27:00
As IWrestledabearonce continue to thrive more and more within the Hardcore and Deathcore worlds, it seems as if they, as well as their label, are taking more chances with them. One of these happens to be their very first feature film as a band. A Beary Scary Movie continues the ill-treaded legacy of groups taking on the acting role, much like KISS and Lordi have done over the years. But, will this film suffer the same curse as all those in the past, or will this offering be one of the first to really stand out to more than just the band’s niche audience, if even them?

Right off the bat, A Beary Scary Movie looks and acts like a cross between Scooby-Doo, and a parody of A Nightmare on Elm Street, the latter of which is really hard to deny. The film starts off with the Son (Gage Crahan) getting hit in the balls by his father (Shawn Crahan, Slipknot), and then offering to tell him a horrific story from his time managing the band Iwrestledabearonce. The two head to the Son’s room, which is just plastered with pages from hardcore and softcore magazines. Throughout the film, the Son interjects theory or questions to the Father, which usually just leads to answers that don’t answer anything, or general vulgar insults between one another. Once the story begins, we are introduced to a member of a local band opening for the aforementioned lead group, with one of the members on the phone talking to his boyfriend, eventually falling asleep and being murdered at the hands of the paranormal killer, Shreddy (credited as himself, but who is really played by Jake Busey). Eventually, he kills off every member of that band, engraving the letters I-W-A-B-O into them, one per person.

Sheriff Dikshit (Larry Parks) and Deputy Mangina (John Dillon) are called to the venue, questioning the members of Iwrestledabearonce about their whereabouts. Eventually, the aptly named Creepy Janitor Guy (Jim Babel) walks in and establishes the background to Shreddy, who was the egotistical vocalist to a rising Heavy Metal band that was killed in a pyro accident on stage. Eventually, Deputy Dickshit is put in charge of their safety after they find their merch guy had been murdered in his sleep. As the remaining members start being killed off, such as getting pulled into a swirling toilet while going to the bathroom, or another having his penis bit off after falling asleep masturbating, Krysta Cameron (herself) starts to have flashbacks involved Krysta’s Mom (Christy Johnson) having sex with Shreddy before he died, and the reveal that Shreddy seems to want them dead because they basically suck.

It’s pretty clear that this is a cut-and-paste A Nightmare on Elm Street rip-off, not so much a parody, but one thing that sticks out is the atmosphere. It’s perfect for the tale being told, visually and by the Father. On top of that, every other word, if not literally the next word, is just an excuse to be vulgar. I honestly quit counting how many times the word “fuck” was used after only ten minutes. On top of that, there are plenty of fart jokes and fat insults lobbed at one of the band members, something I assume the die hard fans would understand more than I, which includes a running gag of extended flatulence for no reason whatsoever in the “it’s funny because it’s not funny” grand scheme of things, a trait that is quite fluent throughout the entire movie. But, the ending, whichever one you want to go with, is easily the most annoying. Just when you think it’s done, and surprised at how they end it, the band members themselves appear on screen saying they won’t let the film end that way, and suggest the Scooby-Doo ending, and then sliding off to one side moving their arms up and down, wiggling their fingers, and going “doodilidoo” like they do in the Waynes World films, offering different alternate endings that conclude by referencing The Wizard of Oz.

With those major gripes out of the way, much of this movie is surprisingly done well. The grittier, slightly raw production style looks great, and the darker atmosphere amid the many repeat smaller sets establishes the atmosphere the way it needs to come off. Much of the camera work is done quite well too, and the audio isn’t too bad. The computer graphics, however, are pretty cheesy, except for the electricution scene which actually looks pretty good. For a paranormal themed film, the production company did a fantastic job at making it rather believable, even if the acting from pretty much everyone involved didn’t. It’s hard to tell if every person was acting horribly on purpose, or if they honestly just couldn’t act, but overall it does give you the vibe of an eighties b-movie, or even one a little earlier one.

But, of the entire cast, it was Shreddy that really stole the show. While everyone was clearly trying to take themselves seriously, it’s clear Jake Busey was just having fun. Any time he appears in the dream world, you are met with instant energy, sadly for a rather brief time, and you can’t help but love every second of it. He also has some of the best Metal-related one-liners you’ll ever hear given the circumstances, such as shouting “Ride the lightning, bitch!” when he tries to electrocute one of the members during a nod to the Black Metal “April Fools” joke they pulled earlier this year of supposedly switching to that style, as well as shouting “You’re not metal! You’re tin foil!” when he finally confronts Krysta. This is honestly one of the truly redeeming qualities of the film, and one to make you want to see more Shreddy in the future, as well as just wish this had no story and was just ninety minutes of Jake Busey delivering one-liners and killing random people as Shreddy.

A Beary Scary Movie is a film that suffers from a lot of problems, and unfortunately most of it stems from the writing. While the production is fantastic, having visuals and a grainy quality that scream an eighties b-movie Slasher flick, the film itself is just a Scooby-Doo version of A Nightmare on Elm Street with a few other influences thrown in for good measure. The acting could have been a lot better, but it does suit what the band seems to be going for, though Jake Busey was clearly just having a lot of fun as Shreddy, and that became one of the most memorable aspects of the whole movie. But, the dialogue, the scenery of the Son’s room, even some character names, all made me feel like I was watching a movie with a script composed by a fourth grader who thinks swearing is cool, and edited by his or her father who thought random long farts and poop jokes, as well as the current comedy style of “that’s funny because it’s not funny” is top notch material. It’s absolutely infuriating that the film seems to treat the viewer like a gradeschooler, and even many of the fans Iwrestledabearonce has will probably be offended they have to suffer through such dribble. Yet, surprisingly, it’s still rather enjoyable, but largely due to it being a visual treat.

Overall Score: 6/10
Screenshot
Physical review copy of this release provided by Century Media Records.