Yes, What’s Under Your Blanket?! is literally a male masturbation “simulator” at best. You’re placed in one of five “different” scenarios, all with the same goal of reaching climax. Most of the settings take place in your house, but there is a hospital and a gym to break up the monotony of the similar settings, as well as various interruptions per specific level such as a cat you have to chase out, your grandfather, a nurse, a trainer, and Santa himself. Next to the simple concept are the overly basic controls of spamming the left mouse button on your character to commance pleasuring yourself, stopping when someone approaches, then using the W, A, S, and D keys to run around after people who have walked in, or to close the door for privacy. Keep working yourself until you fill the bar at the bottom of the screen and finish, all the while attempting to reach a 5x multiplier without setting yourself on fire.

Visually, What’s Under Your Blanket?! looks like it could pass as a simple free-to-play web browser flash game and, well, it pretty much is, but with a price tag attached. Think early South Park episodes involving Canadians and without the shadows behind the characters, and you have an idea of what the visuals of this effort look like, but a lot more crude and poorly drawn by hand. Even the heads that appear in the doorway that interrupt you look like someone just pasted them on a black rectangle and called it a day. The backgrounds do have a little more to them, but that isn’t saying much, sadly, as almost all basically use the same floor designs and wallpaper behind whatever one or two objects are unique to that level’s sppearance.

The audio isn’t anything too spectacular either. The simple electronica is catchy enough for multiple playthroughs, but some of the additional effects like the noise from hitting a multiplier of five and reaching “godlike” status is obnoxious and can drown out the footsteps of approaching family members, if not trick you into believing someone may be behind the door. There’s also some sounds lifted from other games, such as the “fight!” shout during the arm wrestling match between levels that clearly came from early Mortal Kombat entries.

There really isn’t much else to be said for this title other than it’s a one-joke game that loses it’s impact after your first time through. What’s Under Your Blanket?! only has five levels, which can be done in about ten minutes, even less if you get bored and decide to cheat like I did by the third time through and load up a hotkey code or an automatic clicker tool to do the dirty work for you. The only real appeal of this title after the first one or two plays are the achievements, which are now unlockable following an update that dropped the day after its release. Well, that and the trading cards if you care if. All in all, finising the game entirely and unlocking those fourteen goals will put you at twenty to thirty minutes of game play for one dollar (US currency), which still doesn’t even feel worth it given that this is so basic and crudely done. What’s Under Your Blanket?! was fun for a few minutes, it gets redundant pretty quick, only worth your time and money if you enjoy achievement hunting, trading cards/badge collecting, or find this sort of humour the pinnacle of comedy.