As midnight was closing in for the first day of September, my girlfriend suddenly became ill. We had just eaten dinner so I chocked it up to grease from the wings, excessive coconut oil used for the stir fry, and the rice that she thought was fully cooked but went by prep time for the stir-fry noodles instead. We didn’t have anything for it, so I agreed to hop in my car and head into town to grab something for her stomach. For me, it’s a good ten minute drive, so to make life easier I threw in the new Cannibal Corpse album A Skeletal Domain that hit the inbox a few days ago. I started the car, cranked the volume, and began my venture to the local corner store.
The closest gas station didn’t have any, so I ran to the next nearest. It is also the most active at night due to it being one of the few twenty-four hour ones around. As a courtesy I alwys turn my car stereo down when I pull in there. I also do this to not upset the police officers that usually hang out there to help prevent robbers from holding up the joint. An officer was inside getting some things when I went in, picked up some Bismuth Subsalicylate (pink chalk), and left the building right behind the officer who had just paid for his stuff and decided to talk to one of the employees outside for a smoke break.
I took off back home. All was well. Or so I thought…
Not even two minutes later and all I see are police lights in the rear view mirror. I got pissed off as I wasn’t speeding in any manner, and hadn’t turned my music up at all to avoid getting pulled over. I live in the country so when I hit that part of town, you’re damn right the speakers go up to eleven. But whatever the reason, I grabbed my license, registration, and proof of insurance. I then rolled the window up slightly as I saw a clearly disgruntled man in uniform approach me. And he starts hollering at me.
“Are you really that big an asshole!? Are you really that god damn insensitive?! The fuck’s the matter with you?!”
“What’d I do?!”
“Really? I guess you are that big a dick then! Don’t you watch the news!”
As soon as I heard that, it hit me. I quit paying attention to the rage and vulgarity being spewed at me when I realize what had happened. When I turned on my car, and the CD had been just entering the chorus to “Kill or Become.” The lyrics there read “Fire up the chainsaws! Lop their fucking heads off!” And the news? The recent beheading of journalist James Foley by ISIS with a chainsaw.
Sure enough, I zone back in when I hear “…oughta brin you in on terrorist charges! Get your insensitive ass sent to Guantanamo with all your other ISIS supporting buddies! Think you’re a big man blasting praise for such an incident, huh?!”
“Seriously? This is Cannibal Corpse! It was recorded months before this!”
“Shut the hell up Jihadist bastard!”
“Oh yeah, the 29 year old white male wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoon shirt is gonna start world war three with this very CD and the Hurrycane in the backseat I use when my gimp ass can’t get around too well.”
“You being funny with me?!”
“Am I under arrest for suspicion of terrorism based on a Death Metal album or am I free to go?”
“Next time you will be!”
I didn’t stop listening to the album of course. But as soon as I hit the country side? I rolled down all the windows and cranked the song that almost landed me on the no fly list.